Parent story 1 – Interview with scroll
Interview: Grief key part of coming out – parents must let dreams die & celebrate life before them
Not all parents accept their children for who they are and that is where support groups come in, says Aruna Desai, co-founder of Sweekar-The Rainbow Parents.
What are the stages parents often go through in accepting their queer child? It is easy to say ‘love your child for whoever they are’, but that is not always easily done.
When a child comes out to their parents, it often triggers a whirlwind of emotions and reactions. Many parents, unversed in LGBTQIA+ matters, retreat into denial, fearing social judgment and clinging to outdated beliefs. Some may even resort to shaming tactics in a misguided attempt to change their child’s sexual orientation, driven by societal pressures and religious influences that prioritize conformity over acceptance.
On the other hand, parents who embrace and support their queer children may find themselves isolated from their social circles, grappling with the fear of rejection and the loss of familiar support systems. Despite this, they embark on a journey of self-awareness and allyship, striving to understand and navigate the complexities of their child’s identity. It’s a process fraught with grief, acceptance, and growth, requiring parents to let go of preconceived notions and embrace the reality of their child’s truth, paving the way for a future built on love and acceptance.
Parents are often influenced heavily and worried by their own notions of how society will react to them, even if they are accepting of their child’s identity. What is your view and experience of this?
We comfort parents by explaining that these notions are myths and misconceptions and share our experiences, giving them the answers to their questions, and allowing them to become comfortable with their child’s sexual orientation or gender identity.
As a mother, do you think the focus should be on securing the foundation of a queer child, that being anti-bullying, healthcare, workplace inclusion and so on?
Ensuring a supportive foundation for queer children starts with open communication. Rather than directly asking about bullying, check in with your child about their overall well-being and school experiences. Recognize that homophobic bullying can impact any young person, regardless of their sexual orientation. Engage with the school to understand their procedures for handling bullying, involving your child in decisions regarding their safety. If dissatisfied with the response, escalate concerns to higher authorities, ensuring your child’s involvement throughout the process.
In the workplace, anti-discriminatory policies and labor laws uphold individuals’ rights and dignity. The Sexual Harassment of Women at Workplace Act, 2013, specifically addresses harassment, ensuring legal repercussions for any form of misconduct. These measures play a crucial role in fostering a safe and respectful environment, particularly for marginalized groups like LGBTQIA+ individuals and women.
What led to the formation of Sweekar-Rainbow Parents? How has it grown over the years?
Recognizing the challenges some parents face in accepting their LGBTQIA+ children, we formed ‘Sweekar The Rainbow Parents,’ a support group aimed at fostering acceptance and guidance among parents. Our vision spans across India and beyond, envisioning a multicultural network of parents advocating for LGBTQIA+ rights and challenging societal norms. Through peer counseling, sharing acceptance stories, and providing accurate information, we aim to enroll more parents and empower them to confront prejudices within their families and communities. Our ultimate goal is to end discrimination and secure equal rights for the queer community. With over 400 members, we continue to expand our impact through media outreach, community engagement, and fostering a supportive environment for all parents involved.
Sweekar sent a statement to the Supreme Court on why you believe the Courts should support marriage equality. Why did you find it necessary to do?
It was necessary to tell the Supreme Court and people of our country at large about our take on marriage equality. When news started circulating about the same-sex marriage case, many people started making videos or giving statements about the community. People have the habit of talking negatively without even realising what they are saying.
The lack of legal acceptance of same sex relationships deprives LGBTQ+ couples of the dignity and rights that are available to heterosexual couples through the institution of marriage. We could see people reacted in an overwhelmingly negative way towards marriage equality, and decided that writing an open letter to the Supreme Court would convey the message that we, as parents, also want our children to be able to settle down happily with their choice of partner.
What is that one message you’d wish to send parents, politicians, media, religious groups and all the influencers who make society what it is?
Acceptance begins at home, where parents play a pivotal role in supporting their LGBTQIA+ children. Even without expertise in LGBTQIA+ matters, expressing love and unconditional support can make a world of difference. Politicians must actively encourage and enable queer individuals to participate in elections, amplifying their voices to address systemic injustices and safety concerns faced by the LGBTQIA+ community. Additionally, representation in mainstream media and fostering inclusivity within religious groups are crucial steps towards shaping broader societal understanding and acceptance of LGBTQIA+ individuals, promoting equality and respect across all facets of life.
Parent story 2 – BBC NEWS MARATHI
Transgender Relationship: एक आई तिच्या मुलाला मुलगी म्हणून स्वीकारते तेव्हा… | LGBTQIA+ Queer Pride
मुंबईत राहणाऱ्या सुप्रिया गोसावी यांनी आधी आपल्या पतीला गमावलं आणि मग त्यांना नंतर कळलं की त्यांचा वयात आलेला मुलगा ट्रान्सजेंडर आहे. तो स्वतःला पुरुष नाही तर स्त्री समजतो. अशात त्यांच्या पायाखालची जमीन सरकली. LGBTQIA+ समुदायातल्या लोकांना त्यांच्या घरचे अनेकदा स्वीकारत नाहीत हे आपण अनेकदा ऐकतो, पाहातो. पण जे स्वीकारतात, त्यांचा प्रवास कसा असतो? आयुष्यभर काही ठराविक मुल्यं आणि संकल्पना मनाशी बाळगल्यानंतर आपल्या मुलांच्या प्रेमाखातर त्यात बदलताना अशा पालकांच्या मनात काय चालू असतं? या स्टोरीतून बीबीसी मराठीने हेच मांडलंय. रिपोर्ट – अनघा पाठक शूट – शाहिद शेख एडिट – अरविंद पारेकर